64 Best Ways You Can Make Money With Your Body

Some of us have been given a chance by natural selection to use our bodies (in a variety of ways) to make money (in a variety of amounts). Now whether you were granted a beautiful body, bulging biceps, or insensitivity to pain, we don’t know — but we do know you can make a buck using each.

1. SELL YOUR BODY TO SCIENCE

The trick here is to cash in while you’re still alive. You could take part in a study for a new drug, be the guinea pig for college psych students, or be one of those people walking on treadmills with little suction cups all over them (and pray they keep the suction cups above your waist).

2. SELL YOUR PLASMA

You probably didn’t even know you had plasma. So you won’t miss it, right? Plasma is the part of your blood that carries nutrients to your cells and doctors are willing to pay you for it. Check out the Yellow Pages or college campuses for the closest plasma collection center, and earn anywhere from $35 to $100 — but you can only donate twice a week.

3. SELL YOUR HAIR

Some generous souls actually donate their hair, but your soul isn’t very generous, is it? People will pay big bucks for wigs and hair extensions, and if you have long hair, you may as well earn something for it. Visit TheHairTrader.com to find out how you can earn crazy cash for your coif (though you may have to invest in a few hats after your cut).

4. SELL YOUR SPERM

If the idea of a kid who shares genes with you running around somewhere doesn’t freak you out, then by all means, sell your baby batter to a sperm bank. While there’s more to it than porking a plastic cup (you have to undergo a medical history test before you’re considered), it can be fun to earn money for doing something you were going to do anyway. Talk to your doctor about where to find a reputable sperm bank (because a regular bank teller would probably slap you).

5. SELL YOUR EGGS

When it comes to selling your baby-making equipment, the ladies have a tougher time than the fellas. True, egg donors are better paid than sperm salesmen (making up to 5 grand), but they must undergo hormone therapy and outpatient surgery to earn their dough. It’s important to talk to your doctor about the potential risks, and to find a reputable fertility clinic to handle your donation.

6. BECOME A SURROGATE MOTHER

They say your body is a temple. In this case, it’s more like a vessel. Acting as a surrogate is a noble service but a physically and emotionally taxing experience. While profitable, this is one undertaking that you definitely shouldn’t pursue for money alone. Talk to your doctor if you’re interested (and fertile).

7. TAKE PART IN AN EXPERIMENTAL DRUG TRIAL

This is a tricky one. Best-case scenario: you wind up in the placebo group and get paid to take some sugar pills. And then there’s the chance you develop serious medical complications due to a bad drug or interaction (“Look, Ma, I’ve got three nipples!”). At ClinicalCollection.com, you can sign up to receive an e-mail notice every time there is a trial in your area.

8. PARTICIPATE IN A SMOKING CESSATION CLINIC

News- flash: smoking cigarettes is bad for you. With millions of people trying to kick butts, doctors are constantly researching ways to aid struggling smokers. To test the effectiveness, medical professionals pay smokers to try their method of quitting. Not only will you receive a stipend, but you’ll also save money in the long run when you no longer have to shell out your hard-earned cash for a pack o’ smokes.

9. TAKE PART IN A STRESS STUDY

Work is usually stressful, but this is a job where you’re actually supposed to get stressed — so that the guys in white lab coats can observe how stress affects the body. These can be hard to come by, so if you’re interested in taking part in one of these studies, contact as many hospitals as possible to get your name on a list of potential guinea pigs.

10. COMPLETE A STUDY ABOUT DEPRESSION

The bad economy is enough to make anybody feel the blues. Earn money off this misery by participating in studies run by medical companies that want to take advantage of others’ sadness. The money earned should help solve your depression.

11. ENTER A SLEEP STUDY

While seemingly simple, sleeping is a complex medical subject — not to mention a million-dollar industry. In order for sleep specialists to further understand the various sleep issues, they need to observe individuals in a state of sleep. While it won’t be as cozy as your own bed and pillow, this is one place where it pays to be caught sleeping on the job.

12. BECOME A HUMAN BILLBOARD

Admit it: part of you has always wanted a badass tattoo. Why not profit from it by inking a corporate logo or company name on yourself? In 2005, a Utah woman auctioned off her forehead on eBay for $10,000. While it screams “sell out” (not to mention desperation), it’s likely you could find a company willing to do the same for you.

13. NAME YOUR KID AFTER A COMPANY

If you’re going to name your child something crazy like Chevrolet or ESPN, you may as well get paid to do it. And you can put the money you make into a savings account so the kid can go to therapy when he grows up.

14. ASSIST IN A NATURAL BIRTH

They say childbirth is a beautiful thing. They’re lying. It’s a physically, emotionally, and visually challenging experience to assist a woman giving birth — especially when that woman hasn’t had an epidural. It is also a rewarding job, and if you have a supportive nature (and a strong stomach), visit MidwiferyToday.com to find out more about becoming a midwife, doula, or childbirth coach.

15. BECOME A CONFIDENTIAL INFORMANT

If you’re in the know about some criminal activity, consider offering your knowledge to law enforcement. While the threat of retaliation is very real if you are found out (i.e., you could get killed), it won’t take up too much of your time, and you’d actually help fight crime — no cape required.

16. BECOME A PRIVATE EYE

Want to take your nosiness to a whole new level? Consider a job as a private eye. It’s probably not as exciting as the movies make it look (most private investigators spend the majority of their time investigating insurance claims), but you can make some decent cash.

17. CREATE AND POST A VIRAL VIDEO

This can be tough to capitalize on, but it’s always fun to get together with your buddies and humiliate yourselves on camera (bonus for bodily harm!).

There’s always the chance that you’ll become an Internet sensation, but otherwise, you’ll end up as broke as when you started.

18. WORK AS A PERSONAL TRAINER

You only have to look around at the number of people shopping at Lane Bryant to realize that there are a lot of overweight and out-of-shape people out there. Every New Year, thousands of doughy Americans resolve that this will be the year they get in shape! Why not become a licensed personal trainer and help them on their way? You’ll be lean and green in no time. Visit the Aerobics and Fitness Association of America at www.afaa.com.

19. BECOME A RUNNING COACH

Admit it: driving by runners makes you feel like a lazy slob. If you can’t run them over, why not join them? Act as a running coach (whose job appears to be to run along with their clients saying things like “You’re doing great!” or “Keep it up!”) and get paid to get in shape.

20. BE AN EXERCISE BUDDY

Are you a motivated fitness buff but don’t have the time or desire to get certified as a personal trainer? Offer your services as an exercise buddy. Paunchy people who lack your motivation will be motivated to work out more often if they know they’ll face your wrath if they don’t.

21. ENTER A BODYBUILDING CONTEST

From the very first time you saw the SNL skit “Pumping Up with Hans and Franz,” you’ve wanted to pump zee weights. You’re probably already hitting up the gym to release your frustrations over your current financial crunch, so go further and compete to make money. It’s time to pump you up, girlie man.

22. ENTER A BEAUTY PAGEANT

While not a reliable source of income, working the pageant circuit can be a profitable venture. If you don’t mind putting Vaseline on your teeth or being judged solely on your looks, enter a beauty pageant for a chance to win some big bucks (though you’ll have to shell out for your own hideous dress and bikini for the bathing suit portion of the competition).

23. ENTER AN EATING CONTEST

If one hot dog is good, fifty-nine must be fantastic, right? Maybe not if you have to eat them in twelve minutes as world record holder Joey Chestnut did in the 2008 Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. If you possess some gastronomical fortitude, then enter a professional eating competition — if throwing up in front of strangers is your idea of fun.

24. ENTER A JINGLE CONTEST

Think you have the chops to create a jingle catchy enough to stick in people’s heads and send them to store shelves? Try your hand at writing jingles. Oreo once offered a $10,000 prize and a trip to New York City to the lucky person who could wow them with their musical advertisement. That can buy a lot of cream filling.

25. WORK AS A BOUNCER

Do you have big muscles and an elevated sense of self-importance? Try a job as a doorman or bouncer at a bar or nightclub. While not as profitable as bartending, bouncers are often paid well by business owners who want to keep the riffraff out. So hit the weight room and put your muscles to a task more useful than flexing in the mirror.

26. REPO

One job that actually becomes more secure when the economy is in the toilet is working as a repo officer. It can be a less than pleasant chore to visit those in a cash crunch and leave with their crap, but their loss is your gain, so stop worrying about other people’s feelings and start taking their stuff.

27. JOIN THE CIRCUS

Are you a bearded lady? Can you contort your body to fit into a tiny box while wearing a skintight unitard? A career in the circus may be for you. True, you’ll probably spend a lot of time living in trailer and shoveling elephant shit, but you’ll definitely meet some interesting characters.

28. BECOME A STUNT MAN

You already enjoy pulling off Jackass-like stunts, so why not get paid for putting your life in danger? Falling off buildings, being set on fire, and getting thrown through plate glass will replace the ho-hum of sending a fax, updating spreadsheets, and checking emails. Now if that’s not incentive enough — what is?

29. WORK AS A STUNT DRIVER

The only thing Hollywood likes more than a gratuitous boob shot is a good car chase. It’s far too risky to send Will Smith off a cliff at 120 miles per hour, so movie studios hire stunt drivers for the challenge. Is it a rush? Absolutely. Will a lowly director’s assistant scrape you off the pavement? Quite likely. But this testosterone-pumping job can pay big time, so grab your helmet and head to the set.

30. COMPETE IN A RODEO

If getting your genital region smashed against a leather saddle and your head smashed in by a horse sounds like a good time to you, try competing in a rodeo. You’ll earn every penny as a bucking bronco sends you sailing to your untimely death.

31. BECOME A RODEO CLOWN

Do you love the idea of being a bullfighter but want something a bit more humiliating? Sounds like you have all the makings of a perfect rodeo clown. The prime duty of a rodeo clown is to protect the bull rider from injury, which may sound noble, but when a red nose is added to the mix, the absurdity of the situation is off the charts.

32. ENLIST IN THE NATIONAL GUARD

The only thing you love more than your country? Making bank. While there is the pesky matter of basic training, enlisting in the National Guard can secure you $20,000 as well as college tuition. Plus you can actually gain some invaluable career experience, helping you get better (i.e., better paying) jobs in the future. Find out more at www.ngb.army.mil.

33. WORK AS A SECURITY GUARD

True, society tends to mock these not-quite-police-officers, but working as a security guard can be an ideal moonlighting gig, as businesses often want someone to work security after hours. Just be sure not to fall off your Segway.

34. WORK AS A BODYGUARD

Hey, if Kevin Costner did it, you can too. If you know someone rich, famous, or powerful enough to need a bodyguard, put your brawn to use and work as a bodyguard. Then again, if you know someone rich, famous, or powerful, what do you need this book for?

35. HIRE OUT AS A MERCENARY

Are you looking to turn your military experience into more money? Sell yourself to the highest bidder and join a war you have no interest in, except for your personal investment. Be careful though. If you follow through with this idea, you’ll become a real-life Rambo — without the advantage of a Hollywood ending.

36. ENTER A STREET FIGHT

Ever since Fight Club came out in 1999, many a dude thinks he can be a legendary street fighter. Why not challenge this dude (that’s you)? If you’re built more like Tom Thumb than Tom Brady, be sure to seek out a challenger you’ll be able to handle.

37. TEACH A SELF-DEFENSE CLASS

The world is F’d up sometimes, and people — especially women — need to be able to protect themselves from creeps. If you are a trained fighter, teach a self-defense class. If you can get enough students to sign up, you can earn a fistful of dollars — just make sure your students don’t use their new knowledge on you.

38. RUN A KICK-BOXING CLASS

Any venture where you can work your aggression out while making money is a good one. And the fact that members of the opposite sex will be following your every move while sweating and panting is just a bonus. Find out how to become a certified kickboxing instructor at the Aerobics and Fitness Association of America’s website, www.afaa.com.

39. LEAD A BOXING CLASS

No longer the brute sport that you’re embarrassed to admit you follow (that’s the UFC), boxing is now a popular fitness activity. If you’re an avid boxer, consider making your hobby your livelihood by getting certified and working as a boxing instructor. Visit www.afaa.com.

40. SPIN AWAY

Spinning is one of the fastest-growing aerobic activities due to the effectiveness and efficiency of the work out. If you’re motivated to ride a bike without going anywhere while yelling at a room full of strangers, visit AFAA.com — and don’t forget your bike shorts.

41. WIN A ROAD RACE

If you’re a runner, try to put your healthy habit to further use by entering a road race. While big races like the Boston Marathon can get you thousands of dollars, you’ll likely only receive a small cash prize when entering local races. If you win a few times, though, you’ll have enough money to buy yourself some new running sneakers to replace your worn-out pair.

42. RUN A SPORTS CLINIC

Were you a baseball hero in high school? Have you successfully taught all seven of your nieces to ride a bike without training wheels? Put your skills to use as a sports clinic instructor. Time-taxed moms and dads will be happy to shell out a few bucks so they don’t have to teach their kids how to hit a fastball.

42. TAKE A PUNCH FOR MONEY

Every once in awhile, a dude wants to punch another dude in the face. However, the general public and law usually frown upon this intelligent hobby. Why not give someone permission to punch you in the face for a fee? For a better chance at getting someone to take you up on the offer, try at a testosterone-charged place like a gym or a bar during a football game.

43. BET ON ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS

Parlay your ability to predict what others will throw out in order to make some money — and show your friends how inferior they are. Don’t get too cocky, though. The last thing you want to do is go up on a friend and then have a few miscued scissors cut your winnings down to nothing.

44. CALL HEADS OR TAILS FOR CASH

Even if you don’t figuratively have two nickels to rub together, chances are you have a coin in your pocket. Just be sure you have some money to back up your mouth; otherwise your head will be rolling. And if your opponent lacks listening comprehension skills, use the Ralph Kramden method: say, “Heads I win and tails you lose.”

45. ODDS, EVENS, SHOOT!

Decide who takes odds and who takes evens, stick your hand behind your back, and on the call of shoot, send out one or two fingers in unison with your opponent — fingers crossed that the final digit count adds up to the side you’ve selected.

46. PLAY MERCY FOR MONEY

Does the debt over your head send you into Hulk-like rages? Good. Use this to your advantage and bet on your strength. However, know when to call it quits. You can’t claim disability if you broke your fingers in a back alley game of mercy.

47. CASH IN ON RIDICULOUS DARES

That little kid in A Christmas Story stuck his tongue to a frozen pole and he didn’t even get paid. Next time you’re at a bar (because these situations work best when there is alcohol involved), approach the tipsiest guy or girl in the place and bet them however much that you won’t _____. Odds are, someone is drunk enough to take you up on it.

48. GIVE GOLF LESSONS

Golf may be a gentleman’s game, but there are plenty of idiots out there looking to learn how to hit the links without looking like a moron. If you can swing the sticks decently, give lessons to Tiger wannabes and be sure to capitalize on the expense of the sport. You can advertise your services at public courses or in the pro shops of private clubs. If they’ll pay a hundred dollars for one round or two hundred dollars for a pair of pink pants with whales on them, surely golfers will pay a goodly amount for individual lessons.

49. WAIT ON TABLES

The general public will test your patience when you’re slinging drinks and burgers. However, depending on the size, location, and type of restaurant, this profession can get you cash quickly. Better practice your fake smile.

50. SELL YOUR SOUL

Faust did it. So did Bart Simpson and Dorian Gray. If you’re desperate enough, pawn your existence off to an interested party. Be warned, though: eternity is a wicked long time. Throw it up on eBay and see what you can get for eternal damnation.

51. SET OUT AS A TELEGRAM SINGER

You sing to people on the street when you’re drunk, so delivering a singing telegram isn’t too different except you’re sober (potentially). Start a service where people can request you to tunefully deliver any message. Then go out there and shine (bottle of tequila in hand, optional).

52. MODEL FOR AN ART CLASS

If the only time you sit still for a long period of time involves the sports section and a courtesy flush, this job may not be for you. Art classes often need live models, and it doesn’t involve much more than sitting (or standing) around while strangers stare at you and attempt to recreate your likeness. Boring? Yes. Easier than brick laying? Hell yeah.

53. BE A NUDE MODEL FOR AN ART CLASS

Here is where you need some, ahem, balls to succeed. While it’s uncomfortable to be nude in front of strangers, art students view their models as part of the artistic process, which they take very seriously. So cast your fears aside (as well as your undies), and contact the art departments at local community centers and colleges to see if they need nude models.

54. POSE NUDE FOR A MAGAZINE

Next time you’re at the gas station, count how many adult magazines there are behind the counter. They have to fill the pages, right? While getting professional pictures taken will set you back, it doesn’t take anything but guts to ask a friend or your partner to take a shot of you in the buff and send it off to a number of adult magazines. If they decide they want you to model, you can earn thousands of dollars a day — and guarantee your place in gas stations everywhere.

55. BE AN ESCORT

We’re not talking the type of escort that Charlie Sheen enjoys so much. If you’re a social and attractive person, someone may be interested in hiring you to be a companion, a date to a special event, or a self-esteem booster. Escorts can earn up to a hundred dollars an hour so if you would be comfortable being someone’s date for hire, hit the Net and find a service that hires escorts — without expecting them to sleep with their clients.

56. HUSTLE POOL

Do your best Fast Eddie from The Hustler and make some money at the pool halls. Start out with younger, more inexperienced players (but make sure they’re not hustling you) then move on to bigger bets with better players. Just make sure you don’t get called out as hustler — or else it’ll be a cue stick to your corner pocket.

57. HUSTLE PICK-UP BASKETBALL GAMES

You may not be LeBron James, but if you can pull off the White Men Can’t Jump angle, it’ll be a financial swish. Beforehand, study the skill level of the players on the court. Lose at first then take it to the basket when you raise the stakes.

58. BE A CARDSHARK

Whether it’s just scamming friends into buying into “beginner’s luck,” or taking it up a few notches to Rounders-style play, you can definitely bring in the chips by playing it slick on the felt. Just be careful who you’re playing with — you never know when your luck will run out, and you’ll end up with your teeth knocked out.

59. REFEREE

Sick of yelling about how blind that zebra is when you’re watching the game on TV? Well, put your money where your mouth is and show off your officiating skills by reffing local basketball, football, or soccer games. Watch out though, you’re not the only armchair authority — and soccer moms are known to bite.

60. UMP

You’ve obsessed over the strike zone for years. Now it’s time to put your obsession to use and make a profit. Become an umpire in an amateur or little league, and cash in while calling strikes. Make sure you kick out those parents and managers who give you any guff.

61. RUN THE SCOREBOARD

You’re keeping track of the score anyway — and the fouls, errors, and time. Why not get a side job running the show? Go to your local high school and offer your services. You better be accurate though. There’s likely enough creatine in some of those kids that an error on your part could lead to a foul ball in your face.

62. HOLD A BEARD-OFF

Think you can grow the sickest stache? Get a group of buddies together and bet on who can grow the longest, bushiest, gnarliest beard. Set an end date and let the growing begin. You can bet on yourself or on your hairiest friends. But remember, just because someone has a full mop on top doesn’t mean he can grow anything a fifteen-year-old boy couldn’t.

63. SCARE UP SOME SCRATCH BY SCARING FOR OTHERS

When people have been wronged, they often wish they could take revenge on friend and foe alike with a good fright — something that could cause a little leak in the offending person’s pants. That’s where you come in. You’ve seen enough horror movies that you could scare the crap out of Wes Craven himself. Charge to set up scares — just be certain you can deliver and won’t embarrass your subscriber even more.

64. PUNK FOR PAY

Ashton Kutcher may be a bit of a jackass, but his show Punked was a pop culture phenomenon. Most of us would love to pull a prank on someone in our life but fear the consequences. Since your buddy doesn’t have the balls to e-mail the photo of his boss passed out at the Christmas party to the entire company, offer to do it for him — for a fee. After all, what’s it to you? 

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