Best Alcohol Quotes I Wish I Had Read

Are you looking for Alcohol quotes? If yes, you have come to the right place.

We have compiled a list of Alcohol quotes for you to read.


Alcohol Quotes

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.



Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Benjamin Franklin


I’m not as think as you drunk I am.

Mega Jones


There are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them.

Terry Pratchett


Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.



There’s nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.

John Ciandi


Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Ambrose Bierce


Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Oscar Wilde


You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but in the very least you need a beer.

Frank Zappa


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I’d tried to straighten him out, but there’s only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwitz is a brand of beer.

David Sedaris


Everybody has to believe in something…. I believe I’ll have another drink.

W.C. Fields


The problem with Marxism is the proletariat isn’t going to rise up against capitalism and consumerism. The only time they’ll rise up is during a commercial break to either go to the bathroom or grab more beer.

Jarod Kintz


Beer is the reason I get out of bed every afternoon.



Drinking beer doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean…. against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.

Gerard Way


A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.

Steve Fergosi


Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!

Martin Luther


There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.

Willie Nelson


Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap.

Nishan Panwar


I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.

Chelsea Handler


Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life’s problems.

Homer Simpson


An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks just as much as you do.

Dylan Thomas


You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Dean Martin


I like to have a martini,

Two at the very most.

After three I’m under the table, After four I’m under my host.

Dorothy Parker


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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Buddy Shirt


Between the revolution and the firing squad there is always time for a bottle of champagne.

Prince Boris Mizorzky


Beer makes you smarter. It made bud wiser.

Bill Mather


I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Winston Churchill


In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol. It was he worst twenty minute of my life.

George Best


I am not a heavy drinker. Sometimes I can go hours without a drink.

Noel Coward


99% of all problems can be solved by money — and for the other 1% there’s alcohol.

Quentin R. Bufogle


Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

Dorothy Parker


American beer is served cold so you can tell it from urine.

David Moulton


The hard thing about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.

Richard Braunstein


I’m going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver.

Phil Harris


Wine is sunlight, held together by water.



I was one drink away from a tattoo.

Lily Savage


It is kind of ironic that they caution pregnant women not to drink alcohol in case it harms the baby. If it wasn’t for alcohol most women wouldn’t be that way.

Rita Rudner


Those who drink to drown their sorrows should be told that sorrows know how to swim.

Ann Landers

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